Have you ever thought of whether your “self” and “I” are two different things? Are they two separate entities or are they one entity? Are they one and the same of each other…but yet different?
My body finally came crashing and just completely shut down on me after weeks of going non-stop. My days started off usually between 530-6am, get to work, go about an 8 hour day, come home to be with my children and family. Helping them with homework, piano, reading etc. if it allows me to, I put in some creativity for our sister small online business by creating social media content or scrolling endlessly to find our next product launch that promotes mental health, self-care, self-love and just taking care of the “self”….there’s that word again.
Weekends are dedicated to more activities for the kids, being and supporting family, contributing to a very important community that holds the foundation of who “I” am….there’s that word again.
After months of pressing responsibilities from every aspect and direction of life…I felt all the tension, fatigue and exhaustion within my body, mind and spirit. It finally came crashing down last week with a cold / flu…or simply just plain exhaustion.
That terrible ache that I’ve been feeling for weeks has eased…but these last couple of days…I haven’t been able to align myself back to the “self”. I don’t make my bed each morning, almost like I’m putting up a protest. I feel like I’m depressed? But then I’m also not. I fell back into my alternate world of fantasies once more….but even that is no longer satisfying to my desire to escape.
Do you question what this moment is all about? Do you query what the purpose of now is?
There are times that being lost like I am now allows me to see the clarity of how far I am to where I want to be….but yet it makes me desire being lost even more. I crave seeing the truth but I entangle myself into the cloudiness.
But isn’t the cloudiness also a part of the atmosphere of the sun? So isn’t the “self” = “I” and the “I” a part of the “self”?
So can it be true that although I’m lost in the “I”, but I’m still within the “self”?
Huh….now isn’t that interesting….