It's funny how there is so many things I can't remember, but at moments I can here your voice, I can re-envision our conversations, moments, and those feelings and emotions. Remember you asked me where I was going to place this completed diamond art and I told you probably over the head of my bed.
Over 3 years now and we are only about 45% done this piece of art. I've taken it out twice to try to do it again throughout the last 3 years....but never was I able to do it with presence and peace. Just earlier this month, we took it out with intent to start it again, but it just laid on the floor and eventually Nicholas put it away again because it was in the way of him and Mia playing in the basement.
Look at them both sitting with me now....the world of inner emotions, thoughts and spirit is truly of wonders. These last few weeks have been astronomical...yes, that's the word....astronomical. Like the constellations, what has occurred, experienced and endured has been vast, dark, deep, untouchable, beautiful....so beautiful, yet so complex. Like staring into the night skies or seeing images of the galaxies and universe. It's so big, so phenomenal. Nothing was controllable, I was only able to just watch it happen. Feel the waves and waves of emotions take over me, be drowned within it at times, and even let it wash me into the ocean of emotions....losing myself, giving up....and then coming back alive afterwards.
Like this piece of diamond art, thousands upon thousands of colored diamonds, all with its own place and purpose in color...coming together to make up the big picture. Like all the affinities, encountering, people, matters and situations within life, it makes up the bigger picture of what this lifetime is. What are the lessons? Am I becoming more deluded, lost? Or can I see what the purpose of these encountering is? Can I see what the purpose of this life is? Coming back alive, we must be able to see it all with a new spirit? Is it a new spirit, or an old spirit? Maybe an old spirit since we always have the spirit...perhaps a renew set of perspective. A renew set of perspective in viewing the universe, galaxies, constellations and then each individual spec of stars. And then finding my place and my purpose within it.
I say it in my heart everyday....I miss you. I really, really, really miss you.